IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME

This haiku needs some explanation. It is written about a girl who came into the Active Wear department at Nordstrom, where I was working.  She was looking for a certain shirt in black in an extra-large. We did not have that size in black, so I suggested trying another color for the size. (I already knew the extra-large would not fit her.) When I suggested trying another color on for size, she got very upset and stormed away from the department in tears. I did not know what I had done. I realize that I may have had a hidden bias. However, offering another color for size was common- even a sales strategy.  I followed and tried to talk to her. I knew she was hurting. I searched the mall trying to find her and went and talked to customer service. I was very upset with myself for "hurting her." I know that I did nothing purposefully, and I knew it was her own self-hate causing her pain. I knew because up until recently, I have spent much of my life in the same way. So, I wrote this haiku... and felt much better afterward.

02.14.15

It could have been me

Girl with the beautiful face

Round, portly body        

You were fight-ready

Fueled by fear of what we’d see

Prepared to be scorned

My words offended

Striking deep chords within you

Taut, distorted, sharp

Wretched messages

Spoken first from harsh critics

Now, all you see, hear

Scourging the vessel

God given to shelter spirit

Entombing your heart

It’s all you believe

You loathe you. Hence, we all must

See you as worthless

But that is a lie

You are blind to your spirit

Blind to your beauty

I am so sorry

Beheld the pain in your eyes

Triggered by my words

I know this because

I saw me in you, riddled

With shame and disgust

As I used to be

Before I saw my goodness

Learned I could be loved

Learn now to discern
Amid dark’s fist, heart of light 
Girl in the mirror