MY WISH YESTERDAY

Today would be my son's 29th birthday. It is the eighth we must celebrate without him. Today I experienced a miracle and it Is tale is told by the following haiku:

09.15.2016 

My wish yesterday-

For your birthday to be filled

With happy thoughts, peace

Knowing that your death

Was part of a grander tale

Where we shared a part

I did not want grief

However, the night before

Came after a day

Of stoicism

Focus on the external

Working till I dropped

Too busy to feel

Until last eve when I was

Helpless to ignore

The thunderstorm in

My eyes, tears on the brink of

Pouring down my cheeks

Yesterday, a wall

Surrounded my heart, as I

Preferred to feel nil

Prepared to silence

Unwelcome guests inside me

Keeping them quiet.

Willing to forgo

Even the blessings, to hush

Echoes of timed pain

Ostracizing sounds

Behind a door seamlessly

Closed, frozen in time

And then I awoke

This cool September morning

Completely exposed

Flooded with sorrow

Placing fault in the new day

To replace the tender cost

Of love, with anger

Unwilling to accept by

Denying my heart

Upon reflection

I rouse to fear’s ruse, which aims

To divert my path

Away from my heart

Attempting to smother my

Inner guiding light

More perceivable

Than ever, brilliant as the

Heaven’s brightest star

Such a breach through fear

Reveals the indelible

Spirit of my son

Unforgettable

Gentle, warm, loving. His hug

All encircling

His deeply, green eyes

Protective and caring, now

Steeping leaves of peace

To sooth my cleaved heart

To salve my grazed wounds and make

Way for sunny skies